We don’t live in a vacuum. The people we love, the places we move through, even the music on the radio or the silence in the room—all of it impacts how we feel, think, and carry ourselves through the day. When life is going well, this influence might feel light. But in times of grief, illness, uncertainty, or change, it can become overwhelming.
So the question becomes: how can you best manage the impact that people and the things around you have on your life?
In her moving book From Grief to Grace: A Therapist’s Journey of Healing After Loss, Anita Aasen offers a firsthand look at this exact struggle. After losing her cousin Lou—a brother in all but blood—Anita was plunged into a period of emotional upheaval. Her story offers us more than a memoir. It’s a roadmap for navigating the intensity of our environment when life feels out of control.
Let’s explore what we can learn from Anita’s experience—and how her reflections can help you take control of the influences that shape your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
1. Recognize What’s Shaping You
The first step in managing the impact of the world around you is simple: awareness.
It might sound obvious, but when emotions are high—grief, anxiety, uncertainty—it’s easy to lose track of what’s really affecting you. Anita writes openly about the emotional chaos she experienced after her cousin’s cancer diagnosis. Between hospital visits, sleepless drives, and navigating family dynamics, she found herself constantly reacting to the world around her.
“Each day became a battleground of emotions,” she writes. “I found myself struggling to navigate my own tangled emotions while, at the same time, trying to be a pillar of strength for him.”
Awareness means pausing long enough to ask: What’s affecting me right now? Whose voice am I hearing in my head? What mood am I soaking up just by being in this space?
Write it down. Observe your triggers. You can’t manage what you don’t recognize.
2. Choose Your Emotional Proximity
In moments of loss, some people become your anchor—and some unintentionally pull you further into the storm.
Anita’s book is filled with both types. There’s the quiet strength of her daughter on the drive to Cincinnati. The grounding presence of her cousin during old photo sessions. But there are also moments of emotional overload: group dynamics that became too much, conversations that added anxiety, and silence that created space for spiraling thoughts.
Managing impact doesn’t mean cutting people off. It means choosing proximity—deciding who you let close and when.
- Is this person helping me feel safe and grounded?
- Are they respecting my needs?
- Are they projecting their fears onto me?
As Anita learned, you’re allowed to step back when others are too much. You’re allowed to redefine boundaries—even with people you love.
3. Reframe Helplessness into Purpose
When everything feels outside your control—illness, death, family decisions—it’s easy to spiral. But one of the most powerful lessons in From Grief to Grace is this: you can reclaim agency by focusing on how you respond.
Anita couldn’t change Lou’s diagnosis. But she could show up. She could plan the road trips. She could research healing therapies, pack prayer cards, and share strong black coffee in the quiet mornings.
This wasn’t toxic positivity. It was a reframing—a shift from helplessness to meaningful action.
If your environment is draining you, ask:
- What small actions can I take today to support my well-being?
- How can I bring purpose to this moment, even if I can’t change the outcome?
Finding your role—even if it’s just being present—is how you begin to manage the impact instead of being swallowed by it.
4. Journal the Journey
One of the most powerful coping tools Anita relied on was writing.
She journaled everything—her thoughts, memories, fears, and frustrations. In doing so, she turned a chaotic internal world into something tangible, something she could hold, reflect on, and eventually shape into a story.
Journaling is more than just self-expression. It’s a proven method to process trauma, clarify thoughts, and track emotional patterns. When your surroundings feel chaotic, a journal can be your constant.
Try writing prompts like:
- What external pressures am I carrying today?
- What would I say if no one could read this?
- What do I need more or less of from my environment?
Writing allows you to stop absorbing and start filtering. It helps you separate what’s yours from what belongs to the world around you.
5. Let Grief (and Joy) Coexist
It might sound strange, but joy still lives alongside pain. And part of managing the world’s impact is giving yourself permission to feel both.
Anita describes watching action movies with Lou during his final weeks. She laughed. She sipped coffee. She sat in silence. None of it took away the grief—but all of it helped her carry it.
“Looking back,” she writes, “Easter Sunday turned out to be one of my life’s most meaningful and cherished experiences.”
This is the paradox of healing: you don’t need the world to be perfect to feel peace.
Practice duality:
- It’s okay to cry on the way to a family gathering and smile once you get there.
- It’s okay to feel frustration toward someone and love them deeply at the same time.
- It’s okay to miss someone and find beauty in the day.
Letting grief and joy exist together gives you space to breathe.
6. Create Intentional Space
When grief was at its peak, Anita instinctively sought solitude—not to isolate, but to process.
This is a critical strategy for managing external impact: carve out intentional space. A few minutes in the morning. A walk without your phone. A weekend with fewer commitments. These spaces act like emotional detox—they let your nervous system reset.
What could this look like in your life?
- A “no-news” hour in the evening.
- A calming playlist that brings you back to the center.
- Removing one toxic item from your physical space each week.
The environment you create becomes your first defense against the environment you can’t control.
7. Turn Toward Spiritual Anchors
Whether religious or simply reflective, finding a spiritual anchor is another way to manage life’s emotional noise.
Anita often turned to prayer, particularly during moments of despair and exhaustion. One scene describes her screaming inside her car, holding only pretzels and a sliver of hope. In that raw vulnerability, she turned toward her childhood prayers—the ones the nuns taught her. Not for answers but for comfort.
Your spiritual anchor might be:
- Breathwork
- Meditation
- Scripture
- A favorite quote
- Nature
What matters isn’t what it looks like. What matters is that it brings you back to yourself.
8. Accept That Control Isn’t the Goal—Integration Is
One of the most profound lessons in From Grief to Grace is this: you don’t manage grief by controlling it—you manage it by integrating it.
Likewise, you don’t control the world around you. But you can integrate its lessons. You can choose how deeply you let certain energies enter your world. You can choose how you respond to them. You can choose who you become through them.
That’s what Anita did.
She didn’t write this book after the pain was over. She wrote it inside the pain. And that’s why it resonates so deeply.
She didn’t avoid the impact of people and places. She felt it, named it, and eventually carried it with grace.
Grace Isn’t Passive—It’s Powerful
So, how can you best manage the impact that people and the things around you have on your life?
You start by becoming conscious of it.
You continue by choosing your responses intentionally.
And you grow by honoring what your body, mind, and spirit need in real time.
In Anita’s case, grace wasn’t about staying calm. It was about staying honest. Staying present. Staying human.
Her story reminds us that resilience isn’t resistance—it’s a relationship. With yourself. With others. With the mess and meaning of life.
You can’t filter out the world. But you can decide what part of it you carry. And how much of you you’ll protect in the process.
